fastdadd Posted March 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2015 three scientists are asked to find out why a mans penis has the the little helmet on the end. the first scientist reports...after all my research i have concluded that it is there for the pleasure of the man. the scecondone reports that it is there to help the woman achieve maximum pleasure. then the third scientist looks at the others and says....after many hours of personal research i have decided that it exists to keep your hand from slipping off. 1 Quote Link to comment
fastdadd Posted March 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2015 a magician gets a volunteer up on stage and tells him to take a sledge hammer and hit him in the temple as hard as you can the volunteer says ..ok he then puts his head on a block of wood and the man hits him as hard as he can ten years later the magician wakes up from a coma and goes......ta da! 1 Quote Link to comment
mrbigtanker Posted March 21, 2015 Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 Only in Lake Elsinore Ca.lol Quote Link to comment
Chuck Most Posted April 4, 2015 Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 A woman approached me today, and offered me sex. The condition was that I had to advertise a product for her on an internet forum. I refused, because my morals are strong. Miracle Spray strong. From the kitchen to the bathroom and everywhere in between, Miracle Spray disinfectant is formulated to tackle your toughest situations. Now available in a convenient 16 oz. bottle! 3 Quote Link to comment
mrmark Posted April 4, 2015 Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you. Yes, she says, "I remember it well." OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?" Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence." 4 Quote Link to comment
JoeCool Posted April 6, 2015 Report Share Posted April 6, 2015 ^^ That one got me laughing so hard I'm crying! :rofl: 2 Quote Link to comment
fastdadd Posted April 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2015 i made a kangaroo pizza the other night...tasted pretty good but made me a bit jumpy. Quote Link to comment
RatVonDude Posted April 7, 2015 Report Share Posted April 7, 2015 soooo how do you jerk off s whale????????? touch your right hand finger tips to your left hand finger, raise your right elbow and make a giant O shape with your arms, now run as fast as you can down the sidewalk Quote Link to comment
mrmark Posted April 12, 2015 Report Share Posted April 12, 2015 Two golfers were out golfing when one of them loses their ball in a large field of beautiful buttercups. Being frustrated he can't find his ball he starts hacking away at the flowers, yelling and screaming when there's a big POOF of smoke and a woman appears. "I am Mother Nature" she says "I cannot believe that you destroy my beautiful buttercups!! I banish you from ever enjoying butter!! The man pauses for a moment and then starts laughing loudly. Mother Nature says "Do I need to punish you more?" The man says "oh no, but my friend is over there looking for his ball in the pussy willows! Stupid old joke but my buddy Fred told it much better. RIP Freddy! 1 Quote Link to comment
paradime Posted April 13, 2015 Report Share Posted April 13, 2015 A hard working ex college right safety finally gets picked up by a professional football team as a free agent. This is what he's been dreaming of all his life, but two days before he was supposed to start practice with the team he was killed in a freak accident. In heaven he couldn't help but be disappointed. One day he was moping around kicking clouds when St. Peter sees him. He walks up to the young man and says "What's wrong buddy? You're in heave right, so it's all good". The guy tell St. Peter about being so excited to play pro ball, but he died before he could live his life long dream. St' Peter says "Hold on there man, no one told you about cloud 47?" "No" he replies. "Well fallow me than" says St. P. They float over to #47 and there was the most amazing stadium he'd ever seen; all the best athletes in history Jim Thorpe, the Galloping Ghost, on and on. After a while the kid started looking a little confused and asked "How do they tell the teams apart when everyone's waring white... except for that one guy in red there. St. Peter quickly puts his hand over the guys mouth and says in a whisper "Shhh, Thats God... He thinks he's Joe Montana. 2 Quote Link to comment
mrmark Posted April 27, 2015 Report Share Posted April 27, 2015 A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his model 1911 Colt .45 caliber pistol with a 7 round magazine, with one in the chamber, and yelled, "Who in here has been screwing my wife?" A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, "You need more ammo!" 3 Quote Link to comment
heywier427 Posted April 27, 2015 Report Share Posted April 27, 2015 A Rabbi and a Priest drive past two young boys walking down the street. The Priest says, " Lets try to F*ck these little boys." The Rabbi says, "Out of what...?" Quote Link to comment
john510 Posted April 27, 2015 Report Share Posted April 27, 2015 A guy walks into a bar and demands a shot of Vodka.Slams it down and immediately wants another,bartender says wow whats the special occasion ?Guy says my first blowjob.Bartender says damn must have been one hell of a blowjob,guy says no not really just trying to get the taste out of my mouth ! 2 Quote Link to comment
Ratwagon1600 Posted April 28, 2015 Report Share Posted April 28, 2015 A guy walks into a bar and demands a shot of Vodka.Slams it down and immediately wants another,bartender says wow whats the special occasion ?Guy says my first blowjob.Bartender says damn must have been one hell of a blowjob,guy says no not really just trying to get the taste out of my mouth ! No, not funny! Pretty sure its a repost. Quote Link to comment
john510 Posted April 28, 2015 Report Share Posted April 28, 2015 No, not funny! Pretty sure its a repost. Are you speaking from experience ? sorry if its a repost but after reading through this topic i figured i had nothing to lose ! it did get one "like" 1 Quote Link to comment
Ratwagon1600 Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 I dont drink vodka :) Quote Link to comment
john510 Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 I dont drink vodka :) I wasnt refering to the Vodka B) Quote Link to comment
q-tip Posted April 29, 2015 Report Share Posted April 29, 2015 If a guy wants to suck a dick he can suck a dick, I'm not one to judge Quote Link to comment
The Taterhead Posted April 30, 2015 Report Share Posted April 30, 2015 A little fella gets on an elevator and there stands a huge guy in front of him. The big guy says "I'm 6 foot 6, I weigh 250 pounds have a 10 inch dick and my name is Turner Brown." The little guy passes out right then. After a few moments he comes to in the big guy says "are you okay?" The little guy says "can you repeat what you told me a moment ago please?" So the big guy says again "I'm 6 foot 6, I weighed 250 pounds, I have a 10 inch dick, and my name is Turner Brown." The little guy then replies "ahh, o.k., I thought you said turn around." 4 Quote Link to comment
Chuck Most Posted May 2, 2015 Report Share Posted May 2, 2015 A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol and your child's name is Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go home." 2 Quote Link to comment
mrmark Posted May 2, 2015 Report Share Posted May 2, 2015 My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. 8 Quote Link to comment
fastdadd Posted May 2, 2015 Author Report Share Posted May 2, 2015 why do orphans not play baseball................they dont know where home is 4 Quote Link to comment
RatVonDude Posted May 2, 2015 Report Share Posted May 2, 2015 what has long hair and 3 teeth.......................? the front row of a Willie Nelson concert :pirate: 2 Quote Link to comment
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