I'm BLUE Posted August 13, 2012 Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 A zoophile, a sadist, a necrophiliac and a masochistic homosexual are sitting in a jail cell together. The zoophile goes "if we had a cat in here, I'd make it give me a blowjob" The sadist goes " he'll yeah, then I'd torture it till it was dead" The necrophiliac goes " yeh, then I'd fuck it" The masochistic homosexual goes " Meow" lol wtf lol Quote Link to comment
Son_of_a_Datsun_Guy Posted August 13, 2012 Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 Did you know there are 6,000,000 people in Tennesse? And only three last names Quote Link to comment
DAT510 Posted August 13, 2012 Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 A Chimp and a Elephant walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says get the fuck out. Have you had Nigerian food? They don't have any. I'm going to hell. Quote Link to comment
Jennifer Posted August 14, 2012 Report Share Posted August 14, 2012 troll hahah :lol: Free Couch Posted at: 2009-09-25 14:37:58 Original ad: I WANT YOUR COUCH IF ANYONE HAS AN UNWANTED COUCH I CAN COME GET IT. WILL TRAVEL UP TO 20 MINUTES FROM CONSHOHOCKEN. PLEASE SEND PICTURES. THANKS From Me to **********@*********.org: Hi there! You can have my couch if you are still looking for one. Let me know! You can either e-mail me or call me. Mike From Juan ********* to Me: HI MIKE I STILL NEED YOUR COUCH. HOW BIG IS IT? DO YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES? WHY DO YOU NOT WANT IT ANY MORE? YOU DID NOT GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER SO I CANT CALL YOU. From Me to Juan *********: Juan, The couch can seat three normal people, or two fat people. I don't have any pictures because my camera is broken (I didn't realize it was in the garbage disposal when I turned on the switch.) I am getting rid of the couch because my grandfather passed away on it a few weeks ago. Every time I look at it, I am reminded of it, and I would rather it not be in my apartment anymore. Just give me a call and we can set up a time for you to come get it. Mike From Juan ********* to Me: MIKE IS THE COUCH STILL IN GOOD CONDITION. YOU STILL DID NOT GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER. From Me to Juan *********: Juan, The couch is still in very good condition. There are only a few minor blemishes, but you can't really notice them. There is a little bit of blood on the couch and a pool of blood on the middle cushion from when my grandfather shot himself. I tried cleaning it with club soda, but it had really soaked into the fabric by the time I found him. The blood dried though, and now it is kind of a brown-ish color that I think actually makes the couch look better. It is a brown couch anyway so you can't even notice it. Mike From Juan ********* to Me: NO THANKS From Me to Juan *********: Why not? I thought we had a deal. Is it because of the blood? You can just turn the cushion over and nobody will have any idea. From Juan ********* to Me: THE COUCH IS COVERED IN BLOOD WHO WOULD WANT THAT? GROSS! From Me to Juan *********: Don't put words in my mouth. I never said it was covered in blood - it just has a little blood here and there. I did forget to mention, I believe my grandfather defecated on the couch when he died (the paramedics say it happens all the time.) I cleaned most of that up, but once again the couch is brown so you won't even notice it. And this probably isn't a big deal, but he also had a cigar in his mouth and when he died it set part of the couch on fire. On the plus side, it did burn away some of the old urine stains that the couch had on it. The couch no longer smells like urine. It kind of smells like a barbecue, which is great if you love barbecues. From Juan ********* to Me: THAT COUCH IS FUCKED THROW IT OUT! From Me to Juan *********: Why would you waste my time if you weren't going to take the couch? I'm sick of having to deal with people like you. I'm just trying to get rid of a decent couch, for free, and still people are wasting my time. From Juan ********* to Me: IF YOU TOLD ME UP FRONT THAT SOME ONE DIED AND SHIT ALL OVER YUOR COUCH THAN I WOULNT HAVE WASTED ANY MORE OF YOUR TIME!! DONT YOU SPIN THIS ON ME BY TELING ME THE COUCH LOOKS GOOD WITH BLOOD OR SMELLS LIKE A BBQ. WHO THE FUCK WANTS A COUCCH THAT SMELLS LIKE BBQ IF I WANTED TO SMELL BBQ I WOULD BUY A FUCKING GRILL From Me to Juan *********: Would you be interested in the grill I am selling then? It is a CharCooker 500 and has three burners. Two of them don't work because my grandfather shot at the grill when he was drunk, but the middle burner still cooks food really well. I'm asking $400 for it, and for you, I'll throw in a couch for free. From Juan ********* to Me: I DONT WANT YOUR USELESS SHIT GUY!!!! 2 Quote Link to comment
elmerfudpucker Posted August 19, 2012 Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 Q: Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger? A: He's trying to figure out the combination. 1 Quote Link to comment
Ratwagon1600 Posted August 19, 2012 Report Share Posted August 19, 2012 What's brown and sticky? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A stick ! 1 Quote Link to comment
JoeCool Posted August 24, 2012 Report Share Posted August 24, 2012 What's green and smells like Bacon? Kermit's finger! Quote Link to comment
bananahamuck Posted August 24, 2012 Report Share Posted August 24, 2012 The shape of Jrocks head.. Quote Link to comment
Busta Nut Posted August 26, 2012 Report Share Posted August 26, 2012 What's long and hard going in....and soft and sticky coming out?? Chewing gum.... Quote Link to comment
Ratwagon1600 Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 25 things we would like to hear from our wives/girlfriends 1. I'll swallow it all......I love the taste 2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink ?, let me get you another beer 3. I'm bored, let's shave my pussy 4. C'mon honey, what do you say we get a case of beer, a few joints, rent a porno movie, and invite my big titted friend Tammy over for a Threesome 5. God, I swear if I don't get to blow you soon I'm going to bust ! 6. I know it's a lot tighter back there but could you please try again ? 7. You're so sexy when you're hungover 8. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping 9. Let's subscribe to Hustler 10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend ? 11. Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses 12. I'll be out in the garage changing the oil in the Datsun for you 13. I love it when you go cruising with your mates in your Datto on Saturdays, I just wish you had time to do it on Sundays 14. Honey... Our new neighbor is sunbathing nude again, come and look at her 15. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house and just wear my G string 16. No, please don't take the Datsun to the car wash, I'll do it 17. Your mother did a great job raising you 18. Do me a favor, forget stupid old valentines day and buy something you need for your Datsun 19. I understand fully, our anniversary comes every year, it's not every day you can go cruising with your friends 20. Shouldn't you be in the shed drinking beer and working on your Datsun ? 21. Christ, not the fucking mall again ! Let's go to that new strip joint and I'll buy you some lap dances 22. Listen, I make enough money for both of us ! Why don't you quit work and spend all your time with your buddies 23. You need your rest you big silly, now stop getting up for those night feedings 24. That was a great fart, do another one 25. Honey I just enrolled in Yoga classes. Pretty soon I'll be able to put my legs behind my head like your favorite porn star 3 Quote Link to comment
Dawa Posted August 30, 2012 Report Share Posted August 30, 2012 how do you find a blind man @ a nude beach? it isnt hard... 1 Quote Link to comment
Jennifer Posted August 31, 2012 Report Share Posted August 31, 2012 What likes to be fisted? sock puppets. Quote Link to comment
I'm BLUE Posted August 31, 2012 Report Share Posted August 31, 2012 What likes to be fisted? sock puppets. Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy ... what about them ? ( oh so lame ) Quote Link to comment
Jennifer Posted August 31, 2012 Report Share Posted August 31, 2012 Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy ... what about them ? ( oh so lame ) get out here.. thats not a joke hahha Quote Link to comment
Guest 510kamikazifreak Posted December 2, 2012 Report Share Posted December 2, 2012 90-year old George went for his annual physical All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. What's your secret? George replied, "God and me are tight. For example, He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom *poof* the light goes on, when I'm done *poof* the light goes off." "Wow!" commented Dr. Smith, "That's incredible!" A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Ethel," he said, "George is doing fine. Physically he's great. But, I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof* the light goes on in the bathroom, and then when he is through *poof* the light goes off?" Ethel exclaimed, Oh, my God! He's peeing in the refrigerator again! Quote Link to comment
fastdadd Posted December 11, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2012 why do women have four more brain cells that cows...........so they dont shit themselves when you play with there tits 1 Quote Link to comment
metalmonkey47 Posted December 14, 2012 Report Share Posted December 14, 2012 A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a body shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ..."HELLLLO" "You need to wind up the windows" 2 Quote Link to comment
fastdadd Posted December 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 27, 2012 http://external.ak.fbcdn.net/safe_image.php?d=AQAKVvrb7LORvNqJ&url=http%3A%2F%2Fvthumb.ak.fbcdn.net%2Fhvthumb-ak-frc1%2Fs403x403%2F632421_186283954845707_186282581512511_2378_720_b.jpg&jq=100 Quote Link to comment
Z-train Posted December 27, 2012 Report Share Posted December 27, 2012 Came home to a note on the fridge door.It said:"I can't take this anymore-it's just not working.I went to stay at my mothers. I opened the fridge,the light came on and the beer was cold.I said to myself-WHAT problem? 1 Quote Link to comment
fastdadd Posted January 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 so for the first time in my life i took a cab home after a new years party. it was great got waved through a check point without any trouble. woke up this morning and now i dont know what to do with this taxi that is in my garage Quote Link to comment
fastdadd Posted January 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 man goes to see his doctor. doctor tells him that he needs to stop masturbating man says why will i go blind doctor replies no i need to finish my examination Quote Link to comment
thatguy Posted January 6, 2013 Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 Three elderly men are sitting at their retirement home discussing their ailments. The first man says "It would be great if I could take piss with a strong stream, it just dribbles out these days". The second man says " I have no problems pissing, but I'd like to have a good shit that isn't running down my ass cheeks". The third man says "every morning about 5:30 I take a healthy piss and around 7 I take a shit. I just wish I would wake up before 9". 1 Quote Link to comment
Str8_69 Posted January 6, 2013 Report Share Posted January 6, 2013 Why are divorces so expensive? Because they're fucking worth it. Quote Link to comment
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