Dat Lurka Posted February 5, 2013 Report Share Posted February 5, 2013 sex jokes aren't funny.........I mean cum on people Quota reached Quote Link to comment
nismo dr Posted February 6, 2013 Report Share Posted February 6, 2013 I call my weed "The Quran"..............because burning that shit will get you stoned 6 Quote Link to comment
420n620 Posted February 7, 2013 Report Share Posted February 7, 2013 A married couple is travelling by car from Victoria to Prince George .Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00.The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use."But we didn't use them," the husband said."Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says."But we didn't go to any of those shows," the husband said."Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, "But we didn't use it!"The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he didn't have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check.She did and gave it to the Manager.The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But ma'am, this is made out for only $50.00.""That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replied."But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager."Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have." Quote Link to comment
Dat Lurka Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 A Lawyer, an Illegal Alien, a Pathological Liar, a Muslim, a Communist and a Black Guy walk into a BAR. Bartender asks.... "What'll it be, Mr. President?" 3 Quote Link to comment
JoeCool Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 A Lawyer, an Illegal Alien, a Pathological Liar, a Muslim, a Communist and a Black Guy walk into a BAR. Bartender asks.... "What'll it be, Mr. President?" FAIL! In order to be considered a JOKE it must be funny! 3 Quote Link to comment
420n620 Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 I got a little chuckle from it. but he needs to do better. lol ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. 'STOP!,' he shouted in a firm voice. 'Have you got a license for that thing?' Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. 'OK' he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted 'STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?' Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said 'On your way, Ma'am.'As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his 'You-Know- What' in his hand. 'Oh, good grief,' yelled Ethel, 'Not that Damn Breath alyser Test again.!!!' ---------------------------------------------------------------------*----------------------------------------------------------------------------- A redneck went to the hospital, as his wife was having a baby. Upon arriving, he sat down as the nurse said to him, “Congratulations, your wife has had quints, five big baby boys." The redneck said, "I'm not surprised. I have a penis on me like a chimney." The nurse replied, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned. They’re all black." 1 Quote Link to comment
420n620 Posted February 8, 2013 Report Share Posted February 8, 2013 Two rednecks, Jake and Bubba, were sitting in a bar one night watching rasslin' on the tube. At the end of the match was an advertisement. A loud, obnoxious character came on screaming about the $10,000 dollars prize money for anyone who could defeat "The Killer". Jake looked at Bubba, a 6' 4" giant with the brain the size of a pea, and got an idea. He told Bubba, "I bet you could beat that guy. He doesn't look so rough, and you're no wimp." Bubba thought about it for a minute and agreed that he probably could. The next weekend Jake and Bubba went down to the stadium where the tournament was to be held and signed Bubba up. An old man came up and started briefing them on the rules of the contest and such. Jake, seeing Bubba was a bit nervous, asked the old man for any tips. The old man looked up to Bubba and said, "Just you watch out for his pretzel hold. Ain't nobody ever gotten out that thing." One by one, the contestants ahead of Bubba went in and came back balled up and hurting. Two hours after they arrived, Bubba's turn was finally up. In the ring, right before the bell rang, Bubba looked back at Jake and said, "Don't worry buddy. I can avoid that pretzel thing." But not ten seconds after he had gotten up in the ring was The Killer laying on top of the contorted ball of Bubba and the referee was pounding the mat, counting to ten. Jake screamed and started walking back to the locker rooms. He was pissed. He had shelled out $500 to get Bubba in this contest, and it didn't last 20 seconds. But right before he got to the door, the crowd went wild! Jake ran back to the ring to see Bubba with one foot on top of the unconscious Killer and one armed raised in the air by the referee. Jake ran into the ring and jumped on Bubba. The crowd was out of control, and Jake and Bubba were $10,000 richer! Later in the locker room, Jake confessed to Bubba he didn't see what happened. Bubba said, "Well, The Killer got me in his pretzel hold and I thought all was lost. I hurt like I'd never hurt before and all I could hear was the ref slamming his hand down counting to ten. Then I looked and in front of me I saw this big, hairy sack of balls. I had nothing to lose and figured it might even help. So I stretched a little further and bit down as hard as I could on those things." "Jake," Bubba said. "You wouldn't believe the strength a man gets when he bites his own balls." 1 Quote Link to comment
metalmonkey47 Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 Wanna hear the best joke out there?? Obama's presidency. /thread Quote Link to comment
JoeCool Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 ^^ YAWN! This "joke" is putting me to sleep! :sleep: Quote Link to comment
Dat Lurka Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 FAIL! In order to be considered a JOKE it must be funny! ^^YAWN! This "joke" is putting me to sleep! :sleep: Someone is offended :fu: Quote Link to comment
JoeCool Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 No, I wrote in Ron Paul for 2012. It's just that the Obama jokes are NOT FUNNY AT ALL. Quote Link to comment
Dat Lurka Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 They are funny, you sound mad. 1 Quote Link to comment
Ratwagon1600 Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 I rang 000 (911) today and said "I think my wife is dead" The operator asked me why. I told her "well the sex is the same, it's just the washing and ironing keeps piling up" ........... The wife suggested I get myself one of those new penis enlargers. I did!, she's 22, blonde and her name is Kathy. ............ I took my wife out to dinner last week. As soon as we entered the restaurant people started calling out "child molester" and " Paedophile". I thought to myself "gee that's a bit harsh". I'm 46 and my wife's 27. It completely ruined our fifteenth wedding anniversary. 1 Quote Link to comment
JoeCool Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 They are funny, you sound mad. How in the hell is blatant lies and racism funny? Quote Link to comment
Dat Lurka Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 I knew you were mad.... Obama lover Wouldn't racism towards Osama be racism towards both blacks and whites? :rofl: GTFO POLITICS Why did the pervert cross the road?? He was stuck in the chicken. 2 Quote Link to comment
Ratwagon1600 Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 Three homosexual men are at bereavement counseling talking about their recently deceased partners and how they were dealt with when they died The first man says "I had my lover buried under our favorite tree so when I want to be near him I can go and sit under the tree" The second man says "I had my lover cremated and his ashes placed in a jar". "This way I can have him near me when I'm feeling lonely" The third man says "I had my lover turned into a really hot curry" Aghast, both the other men looked at him wide eyed and said "why"? The third man said . . . . . . . . . . . . . "I just wanted to feel him dribble out of my arse one more time" Quote Link to comment
JoeCool Posted February 9, 2013 Report Share Posted February 9, 2013 I knew you were mad.... Obama loverWouldn't racism towards Osama be racism towards both blacks and whites? :rofl: GTFO POLITICS Why did the pervert cross the road?? He was stuck in the chicken. NO, not even an Obama lover. It's just like this last one (perv and chicken)... YOUR JOKES ARE NOT FUNNY! :poop: :P Quote Link to comment
Dat Lurka Posted February 10, 2013 Report Share Posted February 10, 2013 How many times are you going to post here without a joke? If I'm not funny then you're Dane Cook. Fuck off :fu: What do you call a monkey in a minefield ? A Baboom! 2 Quote Link to comment
nismo dr Posted February 10, 2013 Report Share Posted February 10, 2013 How many times are you going to post here without a joke? If I'm not funny then you're Dane Cook. ok, I lulzed 1 Quote Link to comment
JoeCool Posted February 10, 2013 Report Share Posted February 10, 2013 Dane Cook isn't funny either! But anyway... A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, ‘Is this a union house?’‘No,’ she replied, ‘I’m sorry it isn’t.’‘Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?’‘The house gets $80 and the girls get $20,’ she answered.Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, ‘Why yes sir, this is a union house. ‘We observe all union rules.’The man asked, ‘And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?’ ‘The girls get $80 and the house gets $20..’‘That’s more like it!’ the union man said.He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde . ‘I’d like her,’ he said.‘I’m sure you would, sir,’ said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, ‘but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she’s next and has priority choice!.’ 2 Quote Link to comment
metalmonkey47 Posted February 12, 2013 Report Share Posted February 12, 2013 Dane Cook isn't funny either! But anyway... That was the point.... Quote Link to comment
JoeCool Posted February 12, 2013 Report Share Posted February 12, 2013 Women are like iPhones. Men are like Blackberry phones. Women have to be touched all over before they respond. Men you rub one ball and everything moves! Women you have Quote Link to comment
Ratwagon1600 Posted February 12, 2013 Report Share Posted February 12, 2013 How do you make 5 pounds of fat attractive? . . . . . . . . . . . . Put a nipple on it 4 Quote Link to comment
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