paradime Posted October 27, 2014 Report Share Posted October 27, 2014 IF you have a small fuzzy green ball in one hand , and another small green fuzzy ball in the other, What do you have? Kermit The Frog's full attention. 1 Quote Link to comment
Chuck Most Posted October 29, 2014 Report Share Posted October 29, 2014 Last night I went out to the bar, and got completely hammered. So I decided to take the bus home. That may not sound like a big deal to you. But I'd never driven a bus before. Quote Link to comment
DaBlist Posted November 13, 2014 Report Share Posted November 13, 2014 Nanner was posting what he made for breakfast on Facebook again Quote Link to comment
graveltrapp Posted November 14, 2014 Report Share Posted November 14, 2014 Actually have seen someone put a frying pan on top an iron to cook on. He said to use the "cotton" setting. Quote Link to comment
DaBlist Posted November 14, 2014 Report Share Posted November 14, 2014 Actually have seen someone put a frying pan on top an iron to cook on. He said to use the "cotton" setting. Nanner says he uses "Delicate" Quote Link to comment
housew Posted November 14, 2014 Report Share Posted November 14, 2014 solid thread. i don't have much to offer. chuck norris doesn't tea bag people, he potato sacks them 1 Quote Link to comment
DaBlist Posted November 21, 2014 Report Share Posted November 21, 2014 CL lister's are jokes: In pristine condition = Visually OK, running, heater not workingStrong runner = Held together by zipties and bondo, but runs in second gearNeeds minor work = May move under it’s own power but nothing else worksPatina = Neglect that somehow adds value Good restoration object = Some parts still there In need of restoration = Please remove this rusted shell from my propertyRust Free = Free RustOriginal Paint = is under the re-sprayRuns and Drives = until overheats do to head gasketNeeds a little TLC = Electrical problemsRan when parked = Parked when it diedOne owner = Five owners that have never title it 4 Quote Link to comment
Chuck Most Posted November 23, 2014 Report Share Posted November 23, 2014 What's the difference... between a chickpea... ...and a lentil? It doesn't cost ten bucks to have a lentil on your face. 1 Quote Link to comment
paradime Posted November 26, 2014 Report Share Posted November 26, 2014 What's the difference between a tribe of pygmys and a girl's cross country team? One is a bunch of cunning runts.... 4 Quote Link to comment
hobospyder Posted November 26, 2014 Report Share Posted November 26, 2014 So my buddy got a text message today "would you mind explaining to me why my hair conditioner is in Solomon's (his son) room?" 1 Quote Link to comment
Rhapakatui Posted November 26, 2014 Report Share Posted November 26, 2014 Because shampoo dries the skin out. Duh. 1 Quote Link to comment
paradime Posted November 26, 2014 Report Share Posted November 26, 2014 What's the first thing Adam said to Eve in the garden of Eden? You'd better stand back sweetheart, I have no idea how big this thing's going to get. 2 Quote Link to comment
arizonajones Posted November 26, 2014 Report Share Posted November 26, 2014 what's brown and sounds like a bell? dung! 1 Quote Link to comment
a.d._510_n_ok Posted November 26, 2014 Report Share Posted November 26, 2014 "Jews want to believe in Santa Claus but have issues with a guy who keeps their names on a list." "That dude just doesn't play - hell, he quit school when they tried to make him go out for recess." "How does that grab ya!?! like an octopus in heat!?!" "black people don't get on cruise ships - they're not falling for that one again!" Quote Link to comment
Chuck Most Posted November 30, 2014 Report Share Posted November 30, 2014 Having trouble being " a little quick on the trigger", Dave asked his doctor if there was anything he could do to prevent that.The doctor suggested rubbing one out before sex. Dave thanked him for the advice, and promised he'd give it a try. The next day at work, Dave got a text from his wife, in which she sent him a picture of her in a skimpy outfit with the message "Can't wait till you get home, big boy". Dave was afraid of nutting prematurely and ruining what seemed to be a for-sure night of sex with the wife, but he remembered the doctor's advice. He considered his options. He didn't want to jack off right when he got home- he didn't want his wife to suspect anything. He couldn't rub one out in his office- too many distractions. Same deal for the bathroom. Any other place, he ran the risk of getting caught. With all this on his mind, he left and got into his truck to go home. He was about halfway home when it hit him. He'd just pull over alongside the road, lay under his truck, and pretend he was working on something underneath. Perfect! Dave stopped and got out. He then laid under the truck, closed his eyes, and started punishing Petey. This went on for a few minutes. Just as he was getting ready to unleash the fury, he heard a police siren, and the sound of a car parking behind his truck. "No problem" Dave thought,"just play it cool". He kept doing what he was doing until he felt someone tap on his foot. "Sir, are you alright?" At first Dave ignored the officer and just kept on going. But then he felt another tap. "Sir, are you alright?" Dave shot back- "Yes, fine. I just heard something scraping, and wanted to check and see if my muffler had fallen off." The cop said... "Well, you might want to check your parking brake cables while you're at it, because your truck rolled away about fifteen minutes ago." 9 Quote Link to comment
Cpl620 Posted December 25, 2014 Report Share Posted December 25, 2014 "So this Irish guy walks out of a bar... " 1 Quote Link to comment
VFR800 Posted December 25, 2014 Report Share Posted December 25, 2014 The mailman comes by every day, so it's not unusual that many people become friendly with their carrier and will even give them gifts for the holidays After 35 years, mailman George decided to retire. On his last day, he makes his usual rounds and some of the people on his route have decided to give him gifts for his years of service. He gets many traditional and wonderful gifts. When he arrives at the first house, the whole family comes out, congratulates him, and sends him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house, they present him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house hand him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the next house, he is met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She takes him by the hand and leads him up to the bedroom, where she blows his mind with the most passionate sex he has ever experienced. When done, they go downstairs, where she fixes him a giant breakfast. As she pours him a cup of coffee, he notices a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this is just too wonderful for words," he says, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she says, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' But breakfast was my idea." 4 Quote Link to comment
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