Jump to content

joke's you know you got them


Recommended Posts

Precisely.But ......

The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery because Obama's health care won't pay for her hospital visit anyway, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
  • Replies 952
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Run over the friend, marry the girl then spend the next few years bitching to her about how you have no friends and my piece of shit car with a busted grill that only hauls one person, until she gets so sick of it she leaves me and moves in with some old broad she met at a bus stop a few years back.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper. The Doctor asks: "What's the problem? The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me." The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down. Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?" The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick". 

  • Like 8
Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...
Guest Rick-rat

4 women, 1 blonde, 1 redhead, 1 black hair, and 1 brown hair come to a 4 way stop at exactly the same time. What happens?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Doesn't matter what color their hair is, nothing will happen until a man shows up and tells them what to do. After all their all women

  • Like 1
Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

A friend of mine that used to live in a small rural town called Morton sent me these:

 

A MORTON redneck passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow. However, she can't touch it until she turns 15.

 

Folks in MORTON go to some movies in groups of 18 or more. They were told 17 and under are not admitted.

 

The minimum drinking age in MORTON has been raised to 24 as they want to keep alcohol out of the schools.

 

 In MORTON, reruns of "Hee Haw" are called documentaries.

 

 How can you tell if a MORTON redneck is married? There's dried tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.

 

 MORTON has a new $3,000,000 Lottery. The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

 

 Recently, the Governor's Mansion in MORTON burned down. In fact, it took out the whole trailer park.

 

 The best thing to ever come out of MORTON is Highway 12.

  • Like 1
Link to comment

A friend of mine that used to live in a small rural town called Morton sent me these:

 

A MORTON redneck passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow. However, she can't touch it until she turns 15.

 

Folks in MORTON go to some movies in groups of 18 or more. They were told 17 and under are not admitted.

 

The minimum drinking age in MORTON has been raised to 24 as they want to keep alcohol out of the schools.

 

 In MORTON, reruns of "Hee Haw" are called documentaries.

 

 How can you tell if a MORTON redneck is married? There's dried tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.

 

 MORTON has a new $3,000,000 Lottery. The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

 

 Recently, the Governor's Mansion in MORTON burned down. In fact, it took out the whole trailer park. (I fell out laughing)

 

 The best thing to ever come out of MORTON is Highway 12.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.