Hardwyre Posted July 4, 2011 Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 So this one will probably be a bit more educational than humorous; but just view the whole thing as one giant moral of the story bit. With that said, it's time for...... If there's one thing I have learned over the years when it comes to encounters with cops and police officers (there is a difference) it is that neither one appreciates a smartass and will make you eat your smugness. The one thing they hate more than a smartass is a respectful smartass, because it is much harder for them to justify fucking with you. A knowledgeable, respectful smartass makes their buttholes pucker in unventable rage. Tuesday nights is when the Portland Blues and Jazz Dance Society puts on their weekly Tuesday Blues event. Good music, hot ladies, close, sultry dancing. Ya, it's a win of a night. It also ends at 1am Wednesday morning. Well, what is a great thing after a night of dancing? Crispy delicious french fries! Luckily for me, there is a McDonald's next to my house who's night shift knows how to make them right! Do I cruise down the freeway on my way home and take the exit. You know, like anyone who wants french fries in their belly would do. It is right around 1:30am at this time, and just about everyone knows that Hwy 99 becomes a cop haunt around the time the bars get out. Knowing this, I don't play too much. I have my green, so I swing around the corner and start heading to the golden arches. Seeing no point in making myself more obvious than I already am - being the only car on the street right now - I don't even bother getting all the way up to the 35 mph speed limit, instead sort of coasting a little over 30 on the way to the turn-in. I must have been overly fixated on my inevitable paper pot of gold, because I failed to see the cop parked, let alone swing out behind me. Although I might be because he simply never turned on his headlights! He did however turn on his car-top berry basket. I was completely enveloped in the comforting embrace of the colors of an interior designer's contrast nightmare. I pulled into the parking lot of my intended destination, seeing no reason not to try and mix the overlapping events as much as possible. So, as he is obviously running my plates, weapons registrations, DNA profile, and peaking through my LiveJournal, I do what everyone should do if they want to present themselves in the best cop light possible. Engine killed. Brake set. Headlights off. Dome light on. ID, insurance, registration ready. Window rolled down 2 inches. Hands on steering wheel. Game on! So in a saunter that must be taught religiously in Police Academy, the officer approached with his flashlight in one hand and his other hand on his holster. 8.9 seconds. ALWAYS 8.9 seconds to get from their car to mine, including the cursory shining the light into my rear window. Fair enough, you're keeping yourself safe. And then the civilities. "How're you doing tonight? Would you mind rolling window down further?" "No thank you, and I am doing well Sergeant. How's the family?" (being able to identify their rank really gets you inside their OODA loop.) "Er.. they're fine. Do you know why I stopped you?" "Honestly I have no idea." "Well, you were doing 33 in a 35...." "I was what?" ***Are you fucking kidding me!? I'm being obstructed from reaching my salty serenity because I was driving SLOW?!*** "Um, 33 in a 35." "So I was obeying traffic laws then." "Yes..." "...Okay, the purpose of this stop then is....?" "Well, your headlights are also an unacceptable color." "Unacceptable as in?" "They're blue." "You're mistaken sir, they're not blue." I slowly reach down and turn on the headlights, "See, not blue." "They look blue to me." "They're aech eye dees, it takes a couple seconds for them to warm up. See. White." "Well..." At this point my bullshit meter has peaked, so now I'm starting to get punchy. "Okay, sir, I am notifying you that I may record all official stops for my records." "Wait? Are you recording me right now?" I simply look at him and don't say anything." "If you are recording me, I don't want to be, so you have to turn it off." "No sir. In Washington state I am only legally obligated to notify that you may be being recorded. I am not obligated to tell you with any finality whether you are or not, nor do I have to stop a recording in progress simply because you've requested as we are in a public setting with no expectations of privacy. In the same fashion, you are recording this encounter right now and I'm sure you would not stop that recording were I to ask you." Sadly I wasn't actually recording him since my phone had died, but the idea that his bullshit excuses had been caught on record clearly tipped his bucket a little. "That is different." "No sir, it is not. In this situation, if you do not want to continue under the possibility of being recorded, you are welcome to walk away from the encounter." He is visibly getting frustrated with this stop now, "I'm not going to argue the law with you." "I'm not asking you to sir. I'm still trying to figure out why you stopped me." "I told you, you were driving suspiciously. I'm also not comfortable with the idea that you may be hiding a weapon under that blanket, can you please show me what you have under there?" Wheeeee! This stop just went to all time high levels of absurd! Now it's time for a game of Who Knows Their Rights Better! "No sir, I can not." "You can't or your won't?" "I fail to see the difference." "If you had nothing to hide, why not show me? Washington law gives me probable cause to perform a weapons search if there is suspicious activity." The age-old adage "If you have nothing to hide...."! Wow, and from a cop at that! A cool sense of self-righteous calm settles over me. I'm either going to punk this jackass or get shot. Principles, principles. "Sergeant, I have a multitude of Constitutional rights and repeated legal precedence that clearly states I do not have to show you anything in my vehicle that is not already in plain view. Further more my behavior DOES NOT constitute suspicious activity simply because you claim it does. Upholding one's own rights is NEVER suspicious activity and the Supreme Court has even made a ruling that it is our own responsibility to know, and enact, our rights. Arguing that I should be willing to give up my rights if I have nothing to hide is a fallacious, fox-and-hound statement. If you are really intent on searching my vehicle, you are more than welcome to wake up a judge at one forty five in the morning and tell him you'd like a warrant regarding a man you pulled over doing 33 in a 35." "Are you a lawyer?" With a huge smile on my face I smoothly stated, "No sir, I am a registered nurse. Now, am I free to go or am I being detained?" The frustrated, impotent rage was a tangible entity, but all the same, he simply stated, coldly, "Have a good evening sir." and stomped back to his car. ... I just want to apologize to whoever this cop pulled over after me. Edit: typos... typos... 11 Quote Link to comment
Jassifrass Posted July 4, 2011 Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 :rofl: that's too funny Quote Link to comment
Logical1 Posted July 4, 2011 Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 That is how its DONE! :thumbup: Knowing your rights and being respectful are you two best friends! I always get asked the same thing: Are you a lawyer? :angel: Quote Link to comment
wildmaninid Posted July 4, 2011 Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 Ok, I'm all better now! Whew that was a great story! I'm gonna do some storys too! Win win win bbq for everyone! Quote Link to comment
Jayden71 Posted July 4, 2011 Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 Nice one!!!!! :lol: Quote Link to comment
Wide14u Posted July 4, 2011 Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 wow that is way cool of a story Quote Link to comment
turboHLS30 Posted July 4, 2011 Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 Lmao, my family thought I was weird for randomly busting out laughing. Way to piss off a cop and get away with it :thumbup: 1 Quote Link to comment
NOTES... Posted July 4, 2011 Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 Epic Win!!! So cool when sumone knows their rights and uses them to the full advantage.. haha :thumbup: Quote Link to comment
Pumpkn210 Posted July 4, 2011 Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 Its the way to be! Ive quoted my fair share of R.C.W.s to local cops, great fun! Quote Link to comment
danfiveten Posted July 4, 2011 Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 Thats great. Its like the police officer that pulled me over on evergreen parkway where it hits andresen. Cop was sittong on private property, had not asked the owners i fhe could sit there. I was going like 2 miles over, he followed me 5 miles, and then got me. I was calm, and nice, and at the end of him tellign me how i need to watch my speed and be more cautios, and that he was writing me a 250 dollar fucking ticket i asked him. Officer, did you ask for permission to sit on private property?.. Oficcer what? Me did you have permision to sit on that persons property. Its not city property, you were sitting in their priate driveway. Shall we go back there and talk to the owners of that house how you are sitting in their driveway, pulling people over with not having gotten their permission, and i mean WRITTEN permission. Cop just looked at me, said have a good day, and left me alone. Its why people who freak out, lie, and cause the officer trouble always get messed over. If you know the law, know your rights, well usually you can get out of it with the cop and leave them feeling like a idiot lol. Good job man :)Glad your not one of those overreactors and this wasnt one of those OMFG this pig pulled me over so i capped him stories. :) Quote Link to comment
Hardwyre Posted July 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 Thats great. Its like the police officer that pulled me over on evergreen parkway where it hits andresen. Cop was sittong on private property, had not asked the owners i fhe could sit there. I was going like 2 miles over, he followed me 5 miles, and then got me. I was calm, and nice, and at the end of him tellign me how i need to watch my speed and be more cautios, and that he was writing me a 250 dollar fucking ticket i asked him. Officer, did you ask for permission to sit on private property?.. Oficcer what? Me did you have permision to sit on that persons property. Its not city property, you were sitting in their priate driveway. Shall we go back there and talk to the owners of that house how you are sitting in their driveway, pulling people over with not having gotten their permission, and i mean WRITTEN permission. Cop just looked at me, said have a good day, and left me alone. Its why people who freak out, lie, and cause the officer trouble always get messed over. If you know the law, know your rights, well usually you can get out of it with the cop and leave them feeling like a idiot lol. Good job man :)Glad your not one of those overreactors and this wasnt one of those OMFG this pig pulled me over so i capped him stories. :) $250 for 2 over? That cop is just trying to piss off all the traffic judges. That's golden that you were able to capitalize on him like that. My brother got tagged from a cop sitting in the mall parking lot. He stated the same thing, "Can you please show me your copy of the authorization memo stating you have permission from the mall company to use their property as a staging ground for revenue generating operations." I've heard a judge tell someone "If you knew it wasn't permissible for the officer to do ABC, why didn't you say anything? Your silence is considered consent." How ass backwards is that? Quote Link to comment
HRH Posted July 4, 2011 Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 Funny as hell, but damn I think you guys must be doing something to attract attention. I never have these kinds of issues with cops, knock on wood. Quote Link to comment
king bee66 Posted July 4, 2011 Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 i wish using HIDs was an arrestable offense Quote Link to comment
Laecaon Posted July 4, 2011 Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 i wish using HIDs was an arrestable offense sigh. I wish everyone had HIDs properly mounted so everyone would stop complaining. Quote Link to comment
king bee66 Posted July 4, 2011 Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 sorry im complaining about not liking to be blinded as i drive. Quote Link to comment
Laecaon Posted July 4, 2011 Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 The only cars on the roads that blind my eyes are the civics with improperly mounted H4s and HIDs, and full size trucks which blind because their lights are so much higher and enter the cabin of the car. Also note, not all blue headlights are HIDs. On a more relevant note, such a winning story. I should start learning the law better. Quote Link to comment
danfiveten Posted July 4, 2011 Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 Sorry I like being able to see at night and making sure with my son people can see my car. My hids are mounted right in my dime and ser. The only ones that pies me off are these purple and annoying colored ones. And trucks but civics with baddly mounted ones nope, because I flash them with my hid high beams and hid Fogs lol Quote Link to comment
Hardwyre Posted July 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 sorry im complaining about not liking to be blinded as i drive. The only cars on the roads that blind my eyes are the civics with improperly mounted H4s and HIDs, and full size trucks which blind because their lights are so much higher and enter the cabin of the car. Also note, not all blue headlights are HIDs. On a more relevant note, such a winning story. I should start learning the law better. The vast majority of the ones that I think people are pissed off at are the "H# HIDs" where someone has stuffed a HID bulb into an H# (usually H4) housing. The housing's cutoffs are not intended for the HID bulb, so you get light scatter all over the place. Granted I have a pretty significant blue shift at the edge of my cutoff, but that's just how HIDs function, otherwise there is vitually zero light at on coming traffic's eye level.. except for one punk ass who was giving me shit until I pointed out it wasn't my fault he lowered his car to balls-on-ground height. I also went with pure white; none of the blue tint at all. It's made me realize just how much blue and purple headlights stand out and are distracting. HIDs with a proper projector housing with cutoff aren't bad at all. Quote Link to comment
mklotz70 Posted July 4, 2011 Report Share Posted July 4, 2011 Great story. Sounds like the police hire the "best and the brightest" just like the post office does........at least the police speak english. Quote Link to comment
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