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How to Speak Womanese!


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At last...someone in this world has done some very valad and valuable research into the human condition!

 

Dictionary For Women's Personal Ads

 

40-ish: 49

Adventurous: Slept with everyone

Athletic: No Tits

Average Looking: Ugly

Beautifull: Pathological Liar

Contagous Smile: Does Lots of Pills

Emotionally Secure: On Medication

Femenist: Fat

Free Spirit: Junkie

Friendship First: Formerly Very "Friendly" Person

Fun: Annoying

New Age: Body Hair in Wrong Places

Open-Minded: Desperate

Outgoing: Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate: Sloppy Drunk

Professional: Bitch

Voluptious: Very Fat

Large Frame: Hugely Fat

Wants Soul Mate: Stalker

 

Womens English

 

Yes: No

No: Yes

Maby: No

We Need: I Want

I Am Sorry: You'll Be Sorry

We Need To Talk: Your in Trouble

Sure, Go Ahead: You Better Not

Do What You Want: You Will Pay For This Later

I'm Not Upset: Of Cource Im Upset, You Moron!

Your Very Attentive Tonight: Is Sex All You Ever Think About

 

Mens English

 

I Am Hungry: I Am Hungry

I Am Sleepy: I Am Sleepy

I Am Tired: I Am Tired

Nice Dress: Nice Cleavage!

I Love You: Lets Have Sex Now

I Am Bored: Do You Want To Have Sex?

May I Have This Dance: I'd Like To Have Sex With You

Can I Call You Sometime: I'd Like To Have Sex With You

Do You Want To Go To A Movie: I'd Like To Have Sex With You

Can I Take You Out To Dinner: I'd Like To Have Sex With You

Those Shoes Dont Go With That Outfit: Im Gay

 

And Finally

 

Another recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in thier menstrual cycle!

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. However when she is mensturating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire.

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This is just some of the reasons why I love my Datsun:

 

1) It waits patiently for me to drive it.

2) It doesn't get all pissy if I drive another car

3) It never has a headache...

4) On cold mornings it never rolls over once and refuses to start.

5) It doesn't have in-laws but does have cute cousins.

6) It doesn't have hair in wrong places...

7) It doesn't care how much money I make...

8) It has a horny button.

9)

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My Datsuns would never make me stop typing a list of 10 things I like about them

 

Wait,,, ,, a woman wouldn't want me to stop typing a list of her good qualities either

 

 

My Datsuns don't take all my money, , , and continue to want more

 

Oh wait,,, ,, , Dammit

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