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A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror,
she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window.
My husband's home early!'
'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'

'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied.
'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your
problems!'

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out
the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he
quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's
annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others,
about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to
blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of
runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged
closer.. Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.

'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully
free!'
Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your
clothes with you under your arm?'

'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get
dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!'

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you
always wear a condom when you run?'

'Nope ... just when it's raining!'

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A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest asked, "What do you mean almost?"

The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put 50 Euro in the poor box."

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that you didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the 50 Euro on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in."

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